The Gift Of Forgiveness and Family
“My parents weren’t perfect. There I said it. I didn’t grow up with the idyllic Christmas-card, perfect family. How awful. But is it unforgivable?”
As a new parent, I knew I was going to be a better parent than my own. I was going to be kinder, hug more, talk more, connect more, love more…
And my children would appreciate me, know that I was always fair, never ‘hate’ me, and never doubt my love for them.
Forgiveness – Are You A Perfect Parent?
Reality can be painful. The realization that there is no such thing as a perfect parent, that no one had perfect parents, that you are not going to be the perfect parent and that no matter what, your children are going to take you for granted, think that you are unfair, ‘hate’ you for the decisions that you’ve made and will probably doubt how much you love them at some point, is all part of our maturing process.
Parenting is not easy. We wing it, just like our parents did. We’ve use the tools and skills that we have, just like our parents did. It allows us to fail, just like our parents did.
The Gift of Forgiveness – Forgive Mom And Dad
This realization can lead us to the gift of forgiveness. Sometimes there is a little to get past, sometimes there is a lot to forgive. Sometimes the hurt and damage run very deep. Hanging on to this ‘baggage’ is damaging. It can damage your current and future relationships. Some adults don’t end up truly forgiving their parents until after they’ve passed away.
The Gift Of Forgiveness – It’s Okay To Not Be Perfect
Forgiveness of our parents short-comings also helps us to deal with our own. Sometimes the biggest gift of forgiveness that we can give is to ourselves is to forgive ourselves for not being perfect.
Beverly’s Hot Tips On How To Build Resilience On Forgive Mom And Dad Day using the Gift of Forgiveness:
- Evaluate what hurts you may be feeling. Are they the result of your expectations of how your parents should have acted? Were they the result of things that were thought to be ‘right’ in their day? Did they learn them from their own parents?
- Are there things that should be said today that will help your relationship? If so, say them.
- Are there things that you would have difficulty expressing? If so, try writing a letter and say all the things you might not be able to say to them directly. You don’t have to send the letter, sit with it a while. Come back to it days later, even weeks later, and see if you still feel the same way or you may find that you have been able to move past it.
- Take a look at the relationship you have with your children. Is this a letter that you think they’ll write to you someday? Start now by changing what needs to be fixed.
How The Times Have Changed
In my teens, I wanted to change my parents. As I got older, I have grown to accept them for who they were and are today. They were not perfect, but they have some really good qualities. Now, I see them through the eyes of my children. They love their grandparents, the way I loved mine. When I look back, I see that they don’t carry that same baggage when they see their grandparents as I do when I see them as my parents. Nowadays they greet them with excitement and enthusiasm. They laugh and joke around. Now, so can I.
Remember, the gift of forgiveness is essential to living a healthy life.
Contact Beverly about hosting a mental health workshop for your teams on how to build resilience. Learn relaxation strategies, and discover coping tips to deal with stress, change and crisis!
If you have some strategies to share – comment on this posting!
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