Controlling Behaviours
We all hope to avoid it: the boss who can’t let go of the smallest detail, the colleague who always has to have the last word, or the customer who won’t follow the agreed process. Controlling behaviours in the workplace are exhausting, frustrating and demoralizing.
Whether subtle or overt, control-driven actions erode trust, create tension, and can chip away at your confidence. Over time, they don’t just affect the individuals involved. They can disrupt entire teams and damage an organization’s culture.
What Are Controlling Behaviours?
Controlling behaviours are persistent attempts to dominate, direct, or manipulate others beyond what is reasonable or necessary for the situation or role.
In a healthy workplace, managers give direction, colleagues collaborate, and customers make requests, while respecting boundaries and professional expertise. Control crosses the line when it becomes excessive, intrusive, or manipulative. It might take the form of rigid rules, unnecessary restrictions, constant oversight, or tactics that undermine others’ autonomy.
Control can be overt, like issuing strict commands or overruling decisions without reason, or covert, like withholding information, guilt-tripping, or creating confusion to maintain dominance. Sometimes, it’s an unhealthy stress or fear response, but when left unchecked, it harms both people and performance.
Why Controlling Behaviours Occur
Controlling behaviours can have many roots, from individual personality traits to workplace culture.
Individual drivers
- Insecurity and fear – A person may feel their authority, expertise, or position is threatened. For some, control becomes a shield against perceived criticism or failure. Insecurity often pairs with anxiety—the heightened sense that something will go wrong unless they manage every detail. The more they feel out of control internally, the more they try to control others externally.
- Need for predictability – Some people find uncertainty deeply uncomfortable and over-manage to keep outcomes within their comfort zone.
- Stress and poor coping strategies – High pressure can trigger overbearing oversight instead of trust and collaboration.
- Personality traits and disorders –
- Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder (OCPD): perfectionism, rigidity, over-focus on rules.
- Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD): need to maintain superiority and control over others.
- Paranoid Personality Disorder (PPD): distrust and suspicion leading to hypervigilance and overcontrol.
Organizational drivers
- Unclear roles or reporting structures.
- Lack of trust between leadership and employees.
- High performance pressure without adequate resources.
- Tolerance or reward of domineering behaviour.
Relational drivers
- Modelling behaviours seen in mentors, leaders, or influential figures.
- Learned patterns from previous environments.
Signs of Controlling Behaviour in the Workplace
While some controlling behaviours are obvious, others are more subtle. From research and workplace experience, here are 15 common signs:
- Micromanaging every detail of your work, from font choice to the exact wording of an email.
- Excessive criticism that nitpicks rather than constructively guides.
- Refusal to delegate or undermining work that has been delegated.
- Withholding resources or information essential to success.
- Imposing unrealistic deadlines or rigid rules without flexibility.
- Gaslighting – denying agreed facts, twisting past discussions, making you doubt your recollection.
- Over-monitoring communications – reading emails, checking chat logs, tracking movements unnecessarily.
- Public embarrassment – belittling or making sarcastic remarks in meetings or group emails.
- Interrupting and talking over you to reassert dominance.
- Isolating you from decision-making or excluding you from key meetings.
- Shifting blame for problems or mistakes onto you without justification.
- Overriding your decisions without explanation or consultation.
- Guilt-tripping – making you feel responsible for their mood, stress, or outcomes outside your role.
- Using the silent treatment – deliberately withholding communication to punish or pressure.
- Excessive rule enforcement – rigidly applying policies or procedures without consideration for context or flexibility.
Examples:
- Boss: Insists on approving every single client message, even for routine updates, creating bottlenecks.
- Colleague: “Accidentally” leaves you off the invite list for strategy sessions, then criticizes your lack of input.
- Customer: Refuses to follow agreed service protocols, insists you break policy, and escalates to your boss when you don’t comply.
The Impact of Controlling Behaviour
Individuals:
- Increased stress and anxiety.
- Loss of confidence and decision-making ability.
- Burnout and physical health symptoms.
Teams:
- Eroded trust and collaboration.
- Increased conflict and resentment.
- Reduced efficiency and morale.
Organization:
- Higher turnover and difficulty retaining talent.
- Process slowdowns and productivity losses.
- Reputation and legal risks if behaviours constitute harassment or bullying.
Psychological safety, the ability to speak up without punishment, takes a hit, and with it, creativity and problem-solving capacity.
Strategies to Respond to Controlling Behaviours
The right approach often depends on whether the controlling person is a boss, colleague, or customer.
Controlling Boss
- Set boundaries through clarity – “To meet your deadline, I’ll need to prioritize X over Y—does that work?”
- Document everything – Follow up verbal requests with an email summary to confirm understanding. Keep a log of requests, deadlines, and any changes made.
- Escalate if needed – If behaviour becomes unreasonable or harmful, involve HR or senior leadership.
Controlling Colleague
- Stay professional and fact-based – Avoid emotional reactions.
- Assert boundaries – “I appreciate your input, but this task is my responsibility.”
- Keep important communications in writing – Protects against ‘selective’ memory.
- Seek mediation – Involve a manager if the behaviour impacts work outcomes.
Controlling Customer
- Use policies as anchors – “Our policy requires that I…” to maintain consistency.
- De-escalate with active listening – Acknowledge concerns without conceding unreasonable demands.
- Protect your safety and well-being – Involve a manager if aggression or abuse occurs.
Organizational and Leadership Responses
An organization that tolerates controlling behaviours risks both its culture and its results. Leaders and HR teams can:
- Set clear standards for respectful communication and decision-making.
- Provide leadership training in delegation, trust-building, and emotional intelligence.
- Include difficult customer and bullying behaviours in policy frameworks.
- Offer confidential reporting channels with anti-retaliation measures.
- Act promptly when patterns are reported.
When to Escalate and Seek Help
Sometimes, controlling behaviour is more than an irritation, it’s a pattern of harassment or coercive control.
- Keep a factual, written record of incidents: date, time, behaviour, and impact.
- Escalate internally through HR, a union representative, or a supervisor.
- Access Employee Assistance Program (EAP) services for support.
- If behaviours persist and are harmful, consider external mediation or legal advice.
In Canada, workplace safety and harassment laws apply. Knowing your rights is a key part of self-advocacy.
Finally
Controlling behaviour is not about you. It’s about the other person’s need for power, predictability, or dominance. It can be managed, but it often requires both individual strategy and organizational support.
4-Step Workplace Response Checklist for Dealing with Controlling Behaviour:
- Pause – Don’t react impulsively.
- Set the boundary – Clearly, calmly, and without apology.
- Record – Keep a log of patterns and incidents.
- Ask for help – From HR, leadership, or external resources.
By recognizing the signs early and responding with confidence, you can protect your well-being, stay professional, and foster a healthier work environment.
Contact Beverly about hosting a workshop for your teams on how to deal with difficult people at work. Learn strategies to create a more positive attitude in the workplace and encourage an engaging, safe working environment!
If you have some strategies to share – comment on this posting!
Additional Postings:
Dealing With Difficult Employees