Attention-Seeking Behaviour
I once served on a board with someone who pushed every one of my buttons. They always had the “right” answer, corrected others mid-sentence, and somehow managed to take credit as if they alone had done the work. What frustrated me most wasn’t just their arrogance and constant need for attention, it was the way they made everyone else shrink back, including me. Conversations became competitions. Collaboration felt impossible. The fun was gone.
We’ve all worked with someone who always needs to be noticed. They thrive when eyes are on them, jumping into every conversation, reminding others of their wins, or amplifying minor challenges into workplace dramas. It’s not always malicious. Sometimes it’s insecurity wrapped in overconfidence. Other times, it’s a deep need to feel relevant or valued. But when attention-seeking behaviour becomes constant, it drains focus, fractures trust, and shifts energy away from collective success toward individual validation.
What Attention-Seeking Behaviour Looks Like at Work
Attention-seeking behaviour doesn’t always show up as loud or flamboyant. It can be subtle—someone consistently interrupting others in meetings, taking credit for shared work, or oversharing personal stories that pull conversations off track. In other cases, it’s more overt: exaggerating achievements, complaining about being overlooked, or creating drama when feedback doesn’t match their self-perception.
Consider “Alex,” a high performer who starts strong but quickly loses interest once the praise fades. Or “Dana,” who thrives on being seen as the team’s “go-to” problem solver, even if that means undermining others’ efforts to get recognition. These behaviours often create tension, not just between individuals, but across entire teams.
Taming the Turkeys and Peacocks
In my presentations on attitudes and behaviours, I often talk about ‘turkeys’ and ‘peacocks’.
The turkey thrives on attention. They grumble, gossip, and complain, not always to solve a problem, but to draw focus to themselves. They’ll tell you what’s wrong with the team, the process, or management. Their favourite line often starts with, “Why don’t you just…”
They can be exhausting to work with, but their behaviour often stems from feeling powerless or overlooked. They use complaints as a way to reclaim control or feel significant. The more you push back, the louder they gobble. The key to managing turkeys is to acknowledge their need for attention without feeding the drama. When they feel heard and empowered to act, the noise often settles.
Then there’s the peacock. They strut through meetings, feathers out, ready to impress. They’ve “been there, done that,” and will let everyone know it. They might downplay others’ successes or take credit for shared wins. Beneath that confident display often lies a deep need for recognition and validation.
The peacock isn’t driven by attention for attention’s sake. They want to be admired and respected. They want others to see their expertise, even if it means overshadowing the team. Peacocks, when managed with tact, can become strong allies. They thrive when they feel respected, and often with a little coaching, they can redirect their drive for recognition into genuine leadership and mentorship.
In Simple Terms
Attention-seeking behaviour in the workplace occurs when an employee consistently seeks validation, recognition, sympathy, or attention in ways that disrupt collaboration. This can include excessive complaining, taking credit for shared work, creating drama, dominating conversations, or constantly seeking praise. The goal is not to change the person but to manage the behaviour, set boundaries, and redirect their energy toward positive contributions.
The Ripple Effect Of Attention-Seeking Behaviour On Teams
These attention-seeking behaviours might seem harmless at first, but over time it corrodes collaboration. Team members can grow frustrated, feeling their contributions are overshadowed or undervalued. Meetings become less productive as the conversation circles back to one person’s perspective or need for affirmation.
Research on toxic workplace dynamics shows that attention-seeking personalities can lower team morale and engagement by shifting focus from shared goals to personal agendas. It can also stifle innovation—when people feel they’re competing for airtime or recognition, they’re less likely to share ideas openly. Leaders, too, may become distracted managing interpersonal friction instead of focusing on performance outcomes.
In some cases, this constant need for validation can escalate into manipulative behaviour—using flattery, self-pity, or subtle guilt to stay in the spotlight. This creates what psychologists call “emotional hijacking,” where energy that should fuel collaboration is redirected toward managing one person’s emotional needs.
Why People Seek Attention
At the core, attention-seeking stems from insecurity, fear of irrelevance, or a lack of genuine belonging. In high-pressure environments, especially those that reward individual visibility over collective effort, these tendencies can intensify. Hybrid and remote workplaces can make this worse, as some employees work harder to be “seen” or acknowledged when physical cues are limited.
Whether it’s a turkey craving sympathy or a peacock craving recognition, both behaviours stem from the same roots—fear of being unseen or undervalued. When people don’t feel acknowledged, they seek attention in unproductive ways.
Leaders should recognize that attention-seeking behaviour often signals an unmet need rather than simple arrogance. However, empathy alone isn’t enough. Boundaries and accountability must follow.
Signs of Attention-Seeking Behaviour at Work
- Constant need for recognition
- Frequent complaints seeking sympathy
- Taking credit for team accomplishments
- Creating unnecessary drama
- Dominating discussions
- Interrupting others
- Exaggerating successes
- Becoming upset when attention shifts elsewhere
Leadership’s Role: Setting the “Rules of Engagement”
After working with leaders for more than 30 years, I’ve found that most attention-seeking employees are not trying to be difficult. They are trying to meet a need in the only way they know how. The challenge for leaders is to meet the need without rewarding the disruptive behaviour. As a leader, your job is to define the boundaries that protect the team. When someone’s behaviour starts to overshadow the group’s goals, it’s time to reset expectations.
Start by defining what it means to work on this team:
- What behaviours align with our values and goals?
- How do we recognize contributions fairly?
- How do we handle disagreements and feedback?
- What behaviours do I reward, intentionally or not?
These “rules of engagement” clarify not just what’s expected, but what’s unacceptable, whether it’s constant complaining, credit-stealing, or dominating discussions. When everyone understands the standard, it’s easier to hold individuals accountable without creating resentment.
Leaders Can Neutralize Attention-Seeking Behaviour By:
- Clarifying What Gets Recognized
Reinforce that recognition is tied to collaboration, effort, and shared success. Not self-promotion. Celebrate team wins publicly and individual contributions privately when appropriate. - Setting Clear Behavioural Expectations
Attention-seeking can thrive in ambiguity. Be explicit about meeting etiquette, project ownership, and communication norms. When someone dominates space or creates drama, address it early and calmly. - Using Coaching Conversations
Private discussions are essential. Ask reflective questions: “I’ve noticed you often jump in first—what drives that?” or “How might you support others’ contributions?” Redirect energy from seeking approval toward building influence through consistency and teamwork. - Modelling Balanced Recognition
Leaders can inadvertently fuel attention-seeking when they reward visibility over substance. Be mindful of who gets airtime, praise, and opportunities. Spread recognition evenly, especially across quieter contributors. - Providing Psychological Safety—With Boundaries
Create an environment where everyone feels valued, but make it clear that emotional outbursts or constant self-promotion don’t build trust. A psychologically safe workplace doesn’t mean tolerating disruptive behaviour.
Strategies for Dealing With Colleagues
- Don’t Feed the Behaviour
Offering constant reassurance reinforces the behaviour. Acknowledge valid points, then redirect focus: “That’s great, Alex, now let’s hear how the rest of the team experienced it.” - Keep Conversations Grounded
When drama happens, avoid being drawn in. Use facts and shared goals to re-anchor the discussion. - Protect Your Energy
Recognize when someone’s need for attention is draining you. Set emotional boundaries and seek support if it starts to affect your work. - Lead by Example
Show humility, give credit freely, and invite quieter voices forward. Positive peer influence can gradually shift the tone of the team.
Strategies for Organizations to Deal With Attention-Seeking Behaviour
- Define Recognition Systems Clearly
Build formal recognition programs that value collaboration, not competition. Highlight team-based outcomes in newsletters, meetings, and performance reviews. - Train Leaders to Address Toxic Traits Early
Many managers hesitate to confront attention-seeking behaviour because it can appear like enthusiasm. Provide tools and language to help leaders distinguish between healthy confidence and disruptive self-promotion. - Promote a Culture of Feedback
Encourage regular, two-way feedback so attention-seeking doesn’t go unchecked, or unnoticed, until it becomes disruptive. - Prioritize Emotional Intelligence Development
Equip teams with skills to manage ego-driven dynamics constructively. Workshops on communication, empathy, and assertiveness can strengthen team resilience.
Shifting from “Look at Me” to “Count on Me”
Turkeys and peacocks will always exist in our workplaces. These attention-seeking behaviours don’t have to derail team dynamics if it’s handled with clarity and compassion. Most people don’t want to be seen as disruptive. They want to feel seen. The goal isn’t to ‘clip their wings’. It’s to guide them toward contributing instead of competing. When we listen with intent, set clear boundaries, and reinforce shared values, we shift the energy from “look at me” to “count on me.” In a healthy workplace, the spotlight isn’t owned. It’s shared.
Sidebar: Spot the Signs
Understanding these two workplace personalities can help you respond, not react.
🦃 The Turkey — The Attention Seeker
Traits:
- Constantly criticizes or blames others
- Feels “fed up” and powerless
- Seeks sympathy and validation through complaints
- Frequently uses phrases like “Why don’t you just…”
- Spreads frustration to draw others in
Core Need:
➡️ Attention and reassurance that they matter.
*When ignored, they amplify their complaints. When heard and involved, they calm and contribute.
What Helps:
- Listen with focus, but limit airtime
- Restate facts without judgement
- Shift to solutions and invite their input
- Acknowledge feelings while setting limits
- Reinforce that ongoing negativity isn’t acceptable
🦚 The Peacock — The Recognition Seeker
Traits:
- Talks often about achievements, experiences, and connections
- Downplays or overshadows others’ successes
- Speaks with confidence and authority—sometimes too much
- Needs to be seen as competent, capable, and respected
- Becomes defensive when their expertise is questioned
Core Need:
➡️ Recognition and validation for their competence and contributions.
*When respected, they shine as contributors. When dismissed, they perform for attention.
What Helps:
Allow them to save face while keeping focus on shared goals.
Acknowledge real accomplishments
Be fact-based and prepared in discussions
Encourage collaboration over competition
Redirect the spotlight toward team results
Contact Beverly about hosting a workshop for your teams on how to deal with difficult people at work. Learn strategies to create a more positive attitude in the workplace and encourage an engaging, safe working environment!
If you have some strategies to share – comment on this posting!
Additional Postings:
The 7 Reality Anchors™ Leaders Must Accept to Deal Effectively With Difficult People
Dealing With Difficult People at Work: A Leader’s Guide to Toxic Behaviour and Conflict
Dealing With Difficult Employees
Dealing With Attention Seeking Behaviour
Stop Letting That Difficult Person Ruin Your Day
When Fear Replaces Respect: Addressing Intimidation and Bullying in the Workplace
Navigating Toxicity: A Guide for Leaders in Handling Difficult Conversations
Difficult People: The Emotional Contagion
Frequently Asked Questions About Attention-Seeking Behaviour at Work
What is attention-seeking behaviour in the workplace?
Attention-seeking behaviour occurs when an employee consistently seeks validation, recognition, sympathy, or focus in ways that distract from teamwork and organizational goals. This may include constant complaining, dominating conversations, exaggerating achievements, or creating unnecessary drama.
Why do some employees constantly seek attention at work?
Many attention-seeking behaviours stem from a desire to feel valued, recognized, included, or important. Some individuals fear being overlooked, while others may have developed habits of seeking validation through attention rather than contribution.
Is attention-seeking behaviour a sign of low self-esteem?
Sometimes. Research suggests that attention-seeking can be linked to low self-esteem, insecurity, loneliness, or unmet emotional needs. However, not everyone who seeks attention has low self-esteem. In some cases, it reflects learned behaviour or workplace cultures that reward visibility over contribution.
How do you deal with an attention-seeking coworker?
Acknowledge legitimate contributions, avoid rewarding disruptive behaviour, redirect conversations toward solutions, and maintain clear boundaries. Focus on the behaviour rather than the person.
What should leaders do when an employee constantly seeks validation?
Leaders should provide appropriate recognition while reinforcing expectations around collaboration, respectful communication, and team success. Recognition should be tied to contribution rather than self-promotion.
How can attention-seeking behaviour affect team morale?
Attention-seeking behaviour can reduce trust, create resentment, discourage quieter employees from contributing, and shift attention away from collective goals. Over time, this can weaken engagement and psychological safety.
What is the difference between attention-seeking and recognition-seeking?
Attention-seeking is often driven by a desire to be noticed, while recognition-seeking is driven by a desire to be respected for accomplishments. In the article’s framework, the Turkey seeks attention, while the Peacock seeks recognition.
Can attention-seeking employees become productive contributors?
Yes. When leaders understand the underlying need and respond appropriately, attention-seeking employees can often redirect their energy toward positive contributions, collaboration, and leadership.
When does attention-seeking behaviour become a workplace problem?
It becomes a problem when it repeatedly disrupts teamwork, damages relationships, distracts from goals, or creates a negative impact on morale, productivity, or psychological safety.
Should leaders try to change attention-seeking employees?
No. The goal is not to change who people are. The goal is to neutralize behaviours that disrupt the team, establish clear expectations, and channel their strengths in ways that support organizational success.